Okay. So. I wasn’t going to write my story here, however I’ve come to find there’s far too much to say for it to all fit on one page. Also, who wants to read all this shit at once when I can blog like the rest of the interweb.
In early spring 2015 I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and a type of OCD. Not the type that people claim they have just because they like their pens in a certain order or eat their food in a certain of way. No, I actually have OCD. The type that takes up most of your day doing things that you feel no one understands or would think of doing each and every day for almost a year now.
I don’t get anxious about going out on a Saturday night or going for a job interview. I get anxious about all the things I shouldn’t and all the things I still don’t understand or accept. There is no feeling worse than a panic attack. For those who read this and disagree or don’t understand, let me explain…
Of course there are worse feelings, but in that moment, the moment when you’ve lost all control, there is nothing worse. The way the air escapes your lungs and your heart thumps out your chest and your head is spinning. I know what you’re thinking – sounds like a hangover right? Wrong. The one thing I purposely missed off is the most vital – Fear. Fear is the worst emotion a human can have. In that moment, nothing is worse than fear. So, if you were in that moment, would you fight or flight?
What is depression? Feeling down? Hopeless? Defeated? My theory is we will all suffer from depression at one point in our lives, whether that’s through an action or an event, or if the illness creeps up on you from nowhere. I know you hear this a lot but its true: Depression is an illness, not a weakness. In some ways I see the world is still not addressing this it should, and in other ways it’s gone the polar opposite and through common misconception people are forced to believe they are depressed just because they’ve had a bad day or something didn’t go the way they wanted it to.
However, I’m being rather vague. So this is my story. And why am I going to blog about it? Because I can. I hope some readers find comfort in this. And if any of you think you suffer from the same but you’re unsure. Please ask someone for help.